Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
