I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
