so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
