how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
