jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please come you make the beer taste better
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
