I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
