My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
