We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
