i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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