it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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