true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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