Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
