I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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