Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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