You smell like stripper and shame
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
