If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
