Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
