did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
