ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
