Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
