Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
