You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
babies were throwing up all over the place
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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