So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
