ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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