Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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