We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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