I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
