I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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