There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Me too!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
