i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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