FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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