Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my being single is dangerous.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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