I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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