Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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