Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
false alarm, still single
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
