My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
