I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
