I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
