if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
