I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
3pm strippers are depressing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
