I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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