it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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