No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
