I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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