I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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