I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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