how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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