I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
