You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
