i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
