I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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