Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
