I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
