I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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