it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
