I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and she was petting her beer can
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
