That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
