so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
