WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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