Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
