Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
