I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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