I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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