Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
