I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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