I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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