So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
