I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looked like the before picture.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
