Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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