I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
