She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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