So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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