i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
