you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
