Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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